Our previous post “Hospitality as a Ministry” explained the reasons behind ministering to people through food and service, aka “having people over”- this post will explain the ‘how to’ parts of it. Hospitality is becoming a lost art. Many people have only a vague idea about the importance of putting forks in the right spot and something about not slurping the soup. Don’t worry…this is not an etiquette lesson. If you would like to know the formal way to set tables and engrave invitations for your formal dinner, then there are many internet resources for that. I want to share some practical ways for you AND your company to have a good time in an informal setting.
- Remember your purpose.
The goal of hospitality is to make the other person(s) feel comfortable and relaxed; especially if you are trying to form a relationship with them. This means that you may have to put your own preferences and favorite ways of doing things aside to minister to your guest. Your goal is not to impress them with your showroom house, gourmet cooking, perfect children, or pedigreed pets. Your goal is to show God’s love and fellowship in a tangible way.
2. Don’t try for perfection.
Too many people have this idea that their houses have to be perfect in order to entertain company. THIS IS NOT TRUE! Of course, you should do your best. Of course, you should clean the bathroom. Of course, you should clear the kids’ toys off the couch. But you must let go of the idea that your house has to look like something off of TV! Stop obsessing about, ‘But what will my guest think of me?’ Just remember, the people who matter won’t care, and the people who care don’t matter. Honestly, most people won’t notice that cobweb in the corner, or that you didn’t dust the fan. They won’t. Really.
3. Keep the food simple.
Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT try to fix a gourmet meal for your guests. You will be stressed out, your guests will feel bad that you made so much effort for them, and it might not even taste good! Go with something simple that you have made before (successfully) and that is inexpensive. The internet has plenty of recipes for casseroles, crock pot meals, and soups that can be made on a tight schedule for under $10. Remember, your goal is not to impress your guests, but to feed them.
Try to keep in mind your guests’ food preferences. Do they have any food allergies? Are they on a specific diet? Is there a dish they absolutely hate? Of course, you might not be able to accommodate everything, but your guests will appreciate the effort. Making a THM, Keto, or gluten-free meal is not as hard as it seems, especially considering how much more comfortable your company will feel. If children are involved, keep in mind that they may be picky. Having something like mac and cheese available will help ease tensions.
If you truly cannot cook (and by this, I mean that you burn water) and you are using this as an excuse not to show hospitality, I have a challenge for you. Watch some youtube videos, ask people you know who cook, buy a cookbook, take a class; and learn how to make at least one meal. In the meantime, order pizza!
4. Be flexible.
Nothing ever goes as expected…something is always going to “go wrong”. Be mentally prepared to change plans as needed. Oftentimes, hospitality is last minute and you can be prepared by simple forethought. Always have a frozen meal in the freezer, or Hamburger Helper in the pantry. Keep a container of lemonade mix and bottled water handy, and stock up on paper products. If your friends have kids, keep a playpen and a few age-appropriate toys/snacks around for last-minute visits. Provide play areas whenever possible. Have an alternate plan for pets such as a kennel or back room in case they have trouble with your visitors. But most importantly, don’t allow yourself to be anxious if everything isn’t perfect. Every change in plans is a chance to show graciousness: especially if your guests are unbelievers.
5. Be thoughtful.
What do your visitors really need? Think about their week, their schedules, their stress level. If you aren’t sure, have a couple plans ready: a board/card game, a movie for the kids, time outside, or coffee and dessert. Consider what they are accustomed to. If they are a fast food every night kind of family, try to stick to basic foods that they are familiar with. Schedule around nap times and bed times or provide somewhere for kids to lay down. Remove delicate items or place out of reach so that parents aren’t stressed about accidental breakage. Consider letting them keep on their shoes if they aren’t used to removing them. Is there a toy your child will not share? Place it in an inaccessible place to avoid conflict. Really think hard about what will help make the visit go as smoothly as possible.
6. Share the load.
If you have a busy schedule or a tight budget, don’t be embarrassed to ask your guests to bring something. They may actually appreciate the chance to contribute! Don’t forget: being invited over may be just a strange to them as inviting them is to you. Being able to help will help dispel feelings of awkwardness. So what should you ask them to bring? NOTHING VITAL TO THE MEETING- or you will be stressed out that they will forget. A dessert, bread, drinks, or a game all work well; and if it gets forgotten, everything is still fine. Once you are (both) comfortable with this “hospitality” thing, then try potluck or picnic style meals when it works well for both parties.
7. Do it again.
The temptation is to have one friend over, breathe a sigh of relief, and then isolate for 6 months. Don’t give in to that! Write a list of who you want to have over: friends, people from church, neighbors, family, co-workers. Start small: one person/family per month. Then as your confidence grows, add more as your schedule allows. Remember your goal is to create relationships that will bring you both closer to Christ; so view it as a ministry!
The Rasbeary Patch 